a lot of random stuffs- la la la

"Finally", is probably the word you mutter to yourself now, as you read my new entry right here. But I figure you should take back your word cus I am not planning to write alot tonight.
it's 1145pm and i have to get up early (like 6.30ish) and fill gas, then pick up some sisters, then off I go, to the FTTA Graduation. yes, FTTA(Full Time Training Anaheim), the bible school that I would be in for 2 years after i graduate UCLA next year.

So much went through my mind these days. Not only the thought of home, and the feelings of homesickness, the throbbing pangs of misses I have for my family, but also of my present state.
Yes, my present state is what I'm worrying about. It's weird how I have all my future planned out, and have a rough idea of how 'The One' is going to be like (: but what worries me is of right now. RIGHT NOW. i don't know why. or actually maybe i do..

i don't know why i just.. feel so empty! ALL THE TIME!
yet i do very well know why i feel empty, ALL THE TIME.
the answer is simply, the lord. yes, i felt like i've been detached. i've been out of the meeting life that this feeling within me is just so empty, and it bothers me like crazy! yet i really can't. i can't seem to enjoy the meetings.
i know what probably is going through your mind now is that "You haven't touched/ excercise enough your spirit."
i know.
i know.
but.. i really need a companion.
i REALLY need a companion.
i really NEED a companion.
i really need .. at least A companion.
yes, .. COMPANION.
a Spiritual Companion, who will push me, pull me, and lay hold of me, just like the Lord.
i need her.

anyways. i interned in one of UCLA's childcare center, and it was such a great experience.
i myself have no idea how much i love working with kids, and i am really amazed by what i did not know. dude. taking care of a kid is really not as easy as you think. If you really want the best of their growth and development, that is, raising them up is certainly not easy peasy, and there are SO MANY THINGS that parents think they do it right, but in actual fact, is just wrong.
anws, will elaborate more about it in the coming posts, but hey! i got to change their diapers! (=
that's like so far my favourite part being a caregiver, changing their diapers.
i love it how they cooperate with you when you're changing the diapers for them.
"Abigail.. I'm going to change your diapers now so I would like you to take off your shoes."
"Now I'm going to ... bla bla bla"
when you're changing the child's diaper, you ought to talk them through the whole process.
remember that the child is a human being, not a toy, so you want to make sure they are comfortable with every step you make.
there are just SOOOO many thingggs (: SO MANY THINGS. i learned alot just in that first day of work. All the caregivers are professionally trained, and i so aspire to be like them after the whole summer experience (:

i have to tell you about this kid who grew attached to me on my first day of work. he refused to be apart from me even for just a teeny weeny moment. haha. and i'm not even kidding. the supervisor wanted me to clean up the 'beach area' and i told him "Nicholas, I have to clean up this area for a while, and then I will be back to you ok?"
(he hasn't learned to talk yet. prolly about 1.5years old?)
I pulled him away from my embrace and he made noises and struggled back to my embrace.
sorry i don't know how to describe it. (lack of vocabs的我)
and it happened a couple of times and the supervisor asked me to hand nicholas to her while i clean up.
So i handed nic to her.
and he cried and cried and cried.
and the supervisor, then, knew, that he was now attached to me! hahar.
and she said "ok nicholas, cindy will be done soon and she'll be with you again."
and he cried, still.
and she said "she will be done soon... ~ (: "
and he is still crying.
then.
i'm done.
and i came to him and place him back in my arms.
and he stopped crying.

('=

that was the best moment ever.
it's like.
there were SO MANY FEELINGS i felt right at that moment.
it's like.
i just want to so tell this child how much i love him.
it's like having my very own son.
i don't know how to explain it.
it really made me want to be a mum!
hahar.
seriously.
and then he was just in my embrace for about an hour because he doesn't want to play or do anything else.

then meanwhile, i had to take care of an infant, we call him 'baby jordan'. hahar.
he's .. so funny. lol.
so on one arm was nicholas, and the other hand was being played by baby jordan.
then, abigail came and mumbled mumbled to me, i guess her way of communicating.. and i had to read her her favourite monkey story.

oh wells.
there were just so much going on.
and i so love them.
like all of them!

anws. i was then told that nicholas is indonesian chinese too! and how i should speak indo with him. so i did. i helped him get his booger out (-.-') that was a HARD TASK. hahar. but nic was very obedient. anws. so sometimes i would throw out a few indo words to him and that was probably why he felt closer to me than the rest? haha (: anyhows, i'm just glad.
then it got me thinking.. that 'The One' would actually be indo chinese like me too?
will he?
after that day of work i knew that 'The One' the Lord prepared for me, will be a very mature dignified man, who loves and adores me SO MUCH that he comes to the clinic(wherever i work at, as a speech therapist) and picks me up everyday after he gets off work! (:
i don't know why i have that thought, but i really can picture that to happen. like, really. hahar.
he knows me too well that i don't want to drive... ANYMORE!
he knows me too well that i would be so tired that it would be nice to be picked up.
and then he would turn on my favourite hymn in the car, or my favourite classical piece and allow me to rest my eyes while he faces the MENACING traffic. lol.
then, because it's friday night, we both prepare dinner for the saints and open our home for small group! (:


sigh. talking about my future just makes me happy.
if only i am living my future in the present time.
right now it's just ME and my car.
(really bad, but how i really miss mango. cus he just KNOW BETTER to drive and initiate things)

to FROST and ICE: don't you think i was really happy back then?

why can't all my guyfriends be more like mango? WHY?

you know cindy's not studying when..

)'=

many hours have passed.
and i ONLY managed to read 2 chapters.
oh lord jesus!!
the throbbing headache.
the aching heart.
the congested mind.
the empty heart.
the growling stomach.
the dazzed eyes.
the weary soul.
the dying brain cells..

monday 8-11am syntantic typology final
1130-230pm syntax final
230-330pm psych 132 review session
(phonetics term project due, 6pages)

tuesday health check up

wednesday 10-1045am production exam
1130- 230pm psych 132 final

230pm (walk home)
300pm (reach home)
400pm (leave home)
500pm *traffic
600pm (leave LA)
900pm ( plane departs)

2 days later,..
hello Singapore~ (:

9 days later,..
hello yongjae..
(he better pick me up) lol.

1 day later,..
hi textbooks.
hi work.
hi, HEAT.

6 days later,..
hello sister rachel (:

2 days later,..
hello singapore and bay area saints! (:
hello also, durian.

many weeks later,
hello 20year-old cindy.
a non-teen cindy.

many months later,
hello graduation,
and goodbye yongjae.

a few more months after,
hello, LORD.

2 years later,
hello graduate school,
and..
HELLO, LOVE (=

my obsession over my cubicle*

my lovely cubical! (:

jay chou figurine!

my dying roses..

"let there be light~!" (:

Dreams

this, i must say, has to be the busiest week yet, in my life, and MORE to come.

OH LORD JESUS! *pant pant pant*
i seriously panted for every minute of everyday this week. (even though it's only wed =P)
hahar.

emailed like GAZILLION emails to GABILLION professors and people in charge regarding my internship livescan fingerprinting my criminal check my health check up my TB test my 'wrong name' in the schedule my summer schedule my outlook on a language research my interest in global affairs my homeworks my research papers my questions on ling myavailable times my ... my.. and the list goes on.

then, also, this is apparently the official "closure" of the 2008 school year, SO THUS, makes everything more.. more, yarh.

I AM SO STRESSED OUT NOW.
cus i have SO MUCH TO DO.
but i really don't wanna get started. (the typical lazy students' syndrome)

argh!
gonna be on super high dose on caffeine tonight.

hahar. haven't been blogging about my emotions lately huh. (:
as for that, recently i have been dreaming alot.
dreaming, as in, night dreaming (:
and, .. night dreaming, as in.. the vivid night dreaming.
VIVID night dreaming, meaning, i remember my dreams!
hahar. i dream everyday, but i don't usually remember them.

so here goes.
saturday night? *the cut version*
i dreamt of yongjae. and that was the weirdest thing ever cus i haven't seen him for quite a bit. and so, i dreamt that i was at the poolside with some random people and i was feeling awkward because these people were looking at me in that .. ER wayy.. I was grasping tightly on the towel that wraps me, hoping that it won't fall. then, he walked towards me (my back was facing him). and then he stood behind me and said softly, "don't worry, i'll cover you."

(=


LOL.
that dream just made me happy.
haha. LOL.
just like how i fell for his words, "don't worry, i'll protect you." years ago.
haha.
am i nuts or whattt. haha.

LOL.
oh wells. it's true though.
yj has always stick with me in my embarrassing moments.
i guess that's why i like him.
cus he doesn't make me feel embarrassed when i said it.

i still remember the time when we're doing groceries, my box of blueberries fell onto the ground! whattt! it's.. really. yarh mans..
i'm talking about BLUEBERRIES, not papaya or banana. haha.
and dude. he totally bent down to pick the scattered blueberries.
and i was pretty shocked. cus #1 Guys just don't do that.
#2 They just don't.
and he didn't say words to make me feel bad. He just helped me.
and so i bent over, too, and pick them up.
and that was how he got his nickname, blueberry.
Of course, I was so touched, too..
cus #1 not all my girlfriends would help me pick up either (-.-')

haha. oh yongjae~

ANWS.
sunday night?
i dreamt of starfish.
and he was in a "runaway" with me. and there were too much running away,
haha. basically we were on a hiding or something. lol.
LOL.
what intense dream.

i wonder what today's will be like?
(=

sweet dreams, everyone.

happy birthdayy!

first, CRUSH, SMACK, CHOP that 20 thick graham crackers.
(3 calories right there, BUT ~30 minutes right there)

mix in 2 cups of dark choc chips, baking powder, and all other baking ingredients (:

10-12 minutes of baking.

Outcome: Happy Sherry on her Happy Birthdayy (=

生日快乐, 小姐 (:

wishing you forever 21..